Oh my, my babies are really a year old today.. it’s so hard to comprehend. What a blur this past year has been- I’m glad I’ve been writing things down here so I can look back and remember what has gone on this past year. A year ago, right now, I was getting wheeled down to the operating room. This year, I’m sitting at my computer while the babies nap, thinking about all the clothes and toys I have to organize and put away. It hasn’t been easy by any means, but still a very, very rewarding year. These babies are the most amazing gifts I’ve ever been given, and for that I am unbelievably grateful.
I guess I should finish the birth story I started a week ago. I think I left off around the night before(?).. I remember telling Todd I didn’t think I could go much longer- I just wanted to get out of the hospital so bad, I was so tired of nurses, needles, being giant and uncomfortable.. everything. I wanted to keep the babies in so they’d be healthy enough to come home, but I wanted them OUT too. Well, the next morning I woke up, ordered breakfast early around 7 so that I’d get it before my morning ultrasound, which made the babies more active. While waiting for breakfast to arrive, a doctor that I actually recognized, Dr. Humphry came into my room and said that according to that morning’s bloodwork, my platelet level was dropping, and to avoid any bleeding problems that might occur with a c-section, they wanted to go ahead and deliver before it dropped any further. I looked at Todd and we both were kind of shocked.. I guess we both thought I’d be in there forever:) Since I didn’t really feel any worse than any other day, and I hadn’t been having a lot of contractions, I didn’t think it was going to happen anytime soon. I was wrong, because within 10 minutes someone arrived to take us down to pre-op.
The nurses started taking all our stuff in the room and putting it into bags to move it into another room, because I was switching to the antepartum unit after I had the babies. It was all very surreal. I had a lot of fears concerning this birth; I was so afraid that we would have problems; someone wouldn’t be breathing, they would take him/her away and I wouldn’t know what was going on, I was just so afraid something would go wrong and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. I just got quiet like I do when I get scared, I don’t think I said much at all until the next day.
In pre-op, they had me sign some things, I met the doctor who would be delivering the babies; it was a woman that looked about my age or younger, but I think that made me feel better actually- she was very personable and seemed like she knew what she was doing. I crossed my fingers. The next thing I knew, I was being wheeled into the or, and Todd had to wait outside. This is where it got wierd for me. That room was superbright. I hate bright lights, and I hate to have a lot of people looking at me, so the operating room was pretty much a nightmare for me. Each baby had a team of 4, plus the doctors and nurses for me, the anesthesiologist and I think there was a student there observing as well. Awesome. I remember getting the spinal and they had me put my arms around the student and lean forward and I was thinking- this is just what I want to be doing, putting my arms around a total stranger first thing in the morning, I haven’t even showered yet. Afer the spinal, things got a little ugly for me. I laid back and I started to feel very sick.. hot, sweaty, nauseaus, just horrible. Todd was with me again, at my left shoulder. (I had already told him, whatever happens, do not look over that curtain. I knew it would be traumatizing, and I didn’t want either of us to see anything that went on over there.)
I remember saying “I feel horrible” to someone who asked me how I was doing.. and I few minutes later I started to feel a little better. I think maybe they slipped me a little something relaxing because I was in another world pretty soon. My memory of the rest of the day is pretty blurry.
It went quick from here; babies started being pulled out, and brought over to me. Before their birth, all I could think about was how I wanted to hear them cry when they were born, but now, I can’t really remember if I did. I think someone did, but I really don’t know who. I remember everyone saying they were all doing fine.. but don’t they always say that at first? The babies went to the NICU, and Todd went with them. I remember a vague sense of disappointment, because again, I was hoping they’d be so strong and healthy they could come right to my room with us.
Like I said, the rest of the day is a blur.. I spent some time in recovery, and my parents came to visit, which was comforting. I remember they were very smiley and my dad said “they look good”, which made me very happy. I went back to my room, and I assume I slept a lot, but here’s where it all gets fuzzy. I wasn’t able to see the babies for 24 hours, because I was on Magnesium, but I know no one told me this. I kept waiting for someone to get me and take to me see them, but of course that never happened.
It was sometime the next morning when I got to see my little munchkins for the first time, and how amazing that was. They were beautiful, and perfect, just like they are today. They spent 6 days in the hospital, and came home all together.
I have to say, that we wouldn’t have made it through this year without all the help and support of our family and friends. We are so, so blessed to have you all. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.
I need to post some of the teeny weeny baby pictures, so you can see how much they’ve grown! I’ll come back and do that later!